Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Application Letter Critique


Hello everyone,

Here is the job description of the internship that I am applying for. Some of the information has been change to maintain privacy.

Internship at a public cooperation dealing with infrastructure and building projects.
'To assist Project Managers in whole value chain coordination with project owners, consultants (architects, engineers, quantity surveyors & contractors)'
Requirements: Students from Civil Engineering (Bachelor)

Dwayne Aloysious Stewart
123, Dark Road
#01-23
Singapore 100123
Mobile: 8XXXXXXX
XXXXXXXX@outlook.com

19 February 2013

ABC Corporation
The ABC Building
8 Alphabet Road
Singapore 654321

To: The Hiring Manager of ABC Corporation

Internship position: Project XX – Infrastructure & Building projects, Job reference no. JRXXXX

I am interested in an internship position in your company this summer break (13May 2013 – 02 Aug 2013). I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's Degree in Engineering (Civil) at the National University of Singapore (NUS) and am expected to graduate in July 2014.

My interest is in infrastructure projects and I feel that since ABC Corporation develops future-ready infrastructure solutions for the industry, ABC is the perfect place to learn.

As a student in NUS, I have been actively involved in studies and sports. As part of the school’s Aquathlon team, I have contributed as a Team Manager of the team in managing and coordinating their finances, team competitions and administrative work. This has taught me to be organised and resourceful which will be useful in learning and contributing to the company.

Having worked as a retail associate at ZZZZ, I have learnt to communicate with various customers and to attend to their needs. This has enabled me to confidently present the store’s products well to potential customers. As such, I am confident that I will be able to communicate efficiently with various project owners and consultants.

I am confident that ABC Cooperation is the best place to learn and I believe that my skills and attitude towards learning will make this an enjoyable and fulfilling journey. I look forward to meeting your team and if need be any interview to discuss more about the internship. If you have any queries, I can be contacted via my email at XXXXXX@outlook.com or my mobile at 8XXXXXX. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours faithfully,



Dwayne Aloysious Stewart (Mr.)
Posted by at

6 comments:

  1. Gail February 20, 2013 at 10:09 PM

    Hey Dwayne,

    After reading your cover letter, I thought it was well structured and definitely has a professional touch. I also thought that it was great that you stated your interest in infrastructure projects clearly in the second paragraph because this really highlights to the company that you are sincere about obtaining this job. However I did think that you could elaborate a little bit more—I’m completely clueless about infrastructure projects but maybe you could elaborate on what about infrastructure projects makes you interested, or you could actually inject a bit of flattery with regards to ABC corporation.

    Another area I felt you could improve on however was really making your examples of your past experiences work to your advantage. It seems to me that because you will be working on infrastructure and building projects, a quality that the company would value strongly would be the ability to be a team player so as to ensure the successful execution of work. In this case, you could also use your experience on the Aquathlon team to emphasise on this strength of yours. Although organisation and resourcefulness are valuable skills, I think ‘team player’ would really work for you.

    Finally, a minor point is your use of the word ‘expected’ in the first paragraph. While there isn’t anything wrong with it, I feel it would be much more forceful if you used ‘will’. This is because ‘expected’ gives me the impression that you should, but might or might not end up graduating in July 2014.

    But otherwise great job! (:

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dwayneFebruary 28, 2013 at 2:25 PM

      Hey Gail,

      Thanks for the comments on the cover letter. The points that you brought up were definitely overlooked on my part and I am believe your advise will certainly go a long way in refining this letter. I will take your advice on elaborating on the mention parts and refocusing my skills towards being a good team player.

      Thanks for you comments! Appreciate the help :)

      Delete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 21, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    hi Dwayne,
    I am glad to find a civil engineer in the class! As we speak the same language on a professional level, I do hope that we can help each other proof read our cover letters.

    The general impression is very good- clear, easy to understand and short. Right, maybe a bit too short? I am missing the motivation here a little bit and here I will agree with Gail. My suggestion would be also to focus on the infrastructure interests of yours. Mentioning that you like coffee does not necessary make you a good barista. Thus, if the project you want to take part in deals with, lets say, an innovative construction of bridges, then do not miss that. Maybe you were traveling in Europe and were impressed with specific bridges and since then wanted to collect specific skills in that field- perfect! Maybe the visionary research on using bottom ash as an aggregate in the roads constructions fascinate you and you have already visited incineration plants- worth mentioning.

    In the last paragraph: You need to emphasis the win-win situation for you and the company. 'I learn you get a skilled person' sounds like a bit vague exchange. They should know that you are a perfect candidate and not hiring you will be the biggest mistake they might make this summer. elaborate on your skills and attitude a bit more :)

    As usual I went with the flow and probably wrote a bit to much, even though your letter is really good. I hope you find something helpful in my suggestions. Please feel welcome to comment on my post :)

    See you tomorrow,
    Marta.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kelFebruary 25, 2013 at 11:41 AM

      Hi Dwayne,

      I like your cover letter as it makes for easy reading. The impression is that you are a humble and eager person which is exactly what the position as an intern calls for.

      While the impression of you as a person is positive, the overall impression of this cover letter is that it is a very generic one which you could have sent to many other companies. Basically it is not tailored specifically to the company. More effort should have been put explaining why the company suits you and vice versa.

      You tend to underplay your achievements by using a passive voice. You start your achievement or experience with "Having worked as a retail associate..." and then following up with the skills you learnt through it. Perhaps a different sentence structure will highlight your achievements more prominently and allow the reader to zoom in to them. An example would be, "I am excellent communicator and team player. When I was working at..."

      I think your letter shows a lot of courtesy and humility which can never go wrong under any circumstance. You could improve by being more confident in stating your achievements.

      Kel Ley

      Delete
    2. dwayneFebruary 28, 2013 at 2:40 PM

      Hi Marta!

      Hello architect! Great that we have the same interest in the build environment! Thanks for helping to proof read. Your examples how to include my interest in infrastructure is of great help. Reading your comments give me the impression that you really are interested in the topic. I hope I could successfully highlight my interest like what you did here.

      Thanks for you comments! Appreciate the help :)

      Hi Kel,

      Upon reading my letter several times, I agree that my letter seems a bit too general. I need to elaborate more on why the company suits me. I will take you advice on the sentence structure and being more confident in showing my achievements.

      Thanks for you comments! Appreciate the help :)

      Delete
  3. semieMarch 2, 2013 at 11:40 AM

    Hi Dwayne!

    Your letter is well structured and easy to read.

    However, your second paragraph is a bit short and looks kind of out of place. I would suggest that either you elaborate on why you have chosen ABC Corporation as the company of choice, or perhaps you can combine this paragraph with the opening paragraph.

    Also, I feel that you can have a paragraph to talk about the technical skills you have learnt in school that will help you in this job. Although many companies are looking out for people with soft skills, but there must be a reason that ABC Corporation is looking for Civil Engineers! So I think that you can talk about a skill specific to Civil Engineers and is required for this position!

    Regards,
    Samantha

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